Dina Writes

To love yourself can be a tough lesson for anyone.. including me..  I was not a popular person at school nor someone that could be liked by anyone at the first glance. I had no real friends since I was having a hard time to socialize. It was really hard to overcome it all alone, moreover when you got bad experiences about opening up yourself to people. It went worse at the peak of my high school year.  After I graduated from high school, I thought going on to different city will give me a fresh start. The ideas of meeting new circle brought butterflies on my stomach for the first time again. But ya, as you can expect it didn't go well anyway. Yes, I kept on meeting new people but still the wrong ones. Now, you maybe questioning why in the world did it happen? It happened because I didn't love myself. I didn't like the texture of my skin, I didn't like the way I smile, I didn't like the way I talk.. everything was wrong for me. I used to be so hard on myself every ti...

I always thought the best way to express yourself is through words.. I always thought the best way to get what you want is through words.. I always thought the best way to be understood is through words.. But all my life.. I have never been so wrong.. Because words aren't the best way.. It cherises.. It also bursts you into flakes.. I don't know.. Maybe I'm just sick.. Sick of people.. who broke this heart over and over again.. And finally it stops here.. leaving me alone.. at the end of empty road.. No matter what I say.. No matter how loud it is.. And no matter how many times I try to explain.. Nobody will ever understand you better.. than yourself.. It's okay.. It's ended now.. As everything drains my soul into bones.. I promise to myself to say nothing..  But silence..

  I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser Midnights become my afternoons When my depression works the graveyard shift All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crisis Tale as old as time I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'cause you got tired of my scheming For the last time It's me Hi I'm the problem, it's me At tea time Everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirro It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy body And I'm a monster on the hill Too big to hang out Slowly lurching toward your favorite city Pierced through the heart but never killed Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism Like some kind of congressman Tale as old as time I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leavi...

Kunyalakan lentera di sudut jendela kamar ini, nyalanya yang kecil cukup untuk menemani malam yang hampa. Lalu kususutkan tubuh ringkih ini di atas ranjang lembut yang menjadi dambaan semua orang, merasakan dingin yang menusuk tulang di bulan Januari. Suara derik jangkrik kian terdengar melalui jendela kamar yang terbuka lebar. Apakah mereka sedang menyapaku yang lagi-lagi sendiri setelah sekian purnama? Angin memainkan rerumputan kering yang kian tinggi, membuat pandanganku beralih pada kebun utama rumah kita. Bunga mawar putih yang dulu tumbuh indah sudah hilang sepenuhnya, tenggelam dalam lautan ilalang dan semak belukar. Sama seperti hatiku yang kau tinggalkan begitu melempar janji pernikahan. Apakah kau tahu, Adam? Masa yang paling sulit dalam merawat tumbuhan cantik seperti mawar adalah ketika bunga tersebut mulai bermekaran. Kau tak bisa lengah dan mendiamkannya di sana, kau harus memutuskan akan kau gunakan sebagai apa bunga itu. Bunga itu bisa mati karena menunggumu. Aku adala...

[Verse 1] Hold your hands up to your chest And tell me what you find Out of you, a sparrow comes And sees without its eyes [Pre-chorus] Don't forget who you are even though you are hurt You are caught in a wire and soon it will burst [Chorus] You can cry, drinking your eyes Do you miss the sadness when it is gone? (gone) And you let the river run wild (gone) And you let the river run wild [Verse 2] I'm a shadow, I am cold And now I seek for warmth Stitch your skin onto my skin And we won't be alone [Pre-chorus] Don't forget who you are even though you're in need Like a bird in the night, your emotions deserves to be freed [Back to chorus] [Bridge] You can cry, you can cry, you can cry To where the ocean is bigger Become a part of the river, ah You can cry, you can cry, you can cry Can you let the river run wild? [Chorus] You can cry, drinking your eyes ( You can cry, you can cry, you can cry ) Do you miss the sadness when it is gone? (gone) ( You can cry, you can cr...

Apa kamu tahu hal yang paling menarik dari jatuh cinta? Dia bisa mengubah hidupmu sejauh tiga ratus enam puluh derajat. Ya, sebanyak itu, sebesar itu, dan seluas itu areanya. Tidak percaya? Kemarilah dan dengarkan. Kalau kamu jatuh cinta... Kamu yang tadinya tidak memperhatikan penampilan, mendadak bisa menjadi orang yang paling rumit tentang apa yang kamu kenakan. Yang sebelumnya memakai bedak bayi untuk wajahmu, deodorant sebagai parfum, sekarang justru membeli berbagai produk kecantikan. Semata-mata agar wajahmu menjadi cerah dan harum tubuhmu kian semerbak. Kalau kamu jatuh cinta... Lagu-lagu cinta akan kamu temui dimanapun kamu berada. Entah itu di minimarket, pasar malam, sampai pada musik pengiring odong-odong.. semuanya sudah terdengar seperti alunan indah yang membawa khayalan romantismu dengan dia. Kalau kamu jatuh cinta... Kamu pun punya kebiasaan baru, yaitu mencari tahu apapun yang dia suka. Berita otomotif, game terbaru, sampai pertandingan tim sepak bola favoritnya kamu ...

Ada yang kusimpan begitu rapat, hati dalam kotak kaca. Hati yang terlalu sering jatuh, seringkali patah sampai kau harus menyimpannya di sana. Retakan tak hilang dari permukaan atau pun isinya, sisa-sisa kehilangan membekas disana. Kusimpan dia dalam kotak kaca dengan kunci yang sudah hilang, agar tak perlu lagi dia bertingkah bodoh. Agar tak berdebar lagi dia pada rasa yang kelak menghancurkannya seperti serpihan kaca. Begitu takutnya aku akan cinta, sebab yang sudah-sudah hanya satu yang jatuh cinta. Berjuang sendiri dalam permainan berpasangan, tentu tidak akan berhasil. Aku semakin bertanya-tanya bagaimana rasanya menjadi pilihan diantara banyak pilihan. Merasakan seseorang ingin bertahan dan berjuang untuk dapat bersamamu, akankah itu nyata atau tetap jadi ilusi? Aku tak mampu membayangkannya, sebab rasa itu terlalu besar bila ditampung. Namun, kau tahu.. hati ini berontak keras ingin berlari bersamamu. Aku pikir sebentar lagi dia akan menjadi gila. Apa yang harus aku ...